Jerry Jones: Good morning Brad how is that sling shot you call an arm feeling today?
Brad Johnson: Huh?
Jerry: I said how is the arm feeling?
Brad: Oh! It feels as good as it ever has!
Jerry: So not too good. (With a look on his face as if someone just kicked him in the nuts)
Brad: Listen I know you and everybody else think I cannot do it anymore, but…
(Marshmallow man strolls up to brad’s locker eating a snickers bar.)
Wade Phillips: So what’s going on over here?
Jerry: Don’t you have a pizza to order or something?
Wade: Sorry boss just checking on old gunslinger here!
Jerry: Gunslinger!! What fucking games have you been watchin? This old sum bitch could not hit your big ass from 6 inches away!
Brad: Hey! I am still standing here! And I can hear!
Jerry: Now Brad, We all love you here but Damn son, my fucking grandson has more ability and arm strength than you do at this point in your career!
Wade: Sir! Cut the guy some slack
Jerry: You just shut that fat pie eating face of yours up! I make the calls around here, and it is gonna stay that way until you stop spending your money on donuts and spend it on buying this fucking team from me! So for now I suggest you waddle your ass on down the hall and figure out a way to get my man T.O. the damn ball!

Jerry: Now we got just one more game to go until Romo gets back, and I am not going to lose to that sissy boy Elisha in New York. So you got the first half of the game to prove that we don’t need to get you a prescription of geritol.
Brad: I will not stand here and let you talk to me that way!
(Brad notices some little dorky kid peaking around the corner and giggling and quickly pulling back as to not be seen!)
Brad: Hey!!
Jerry: what’s going on?
Brad: There is some computer geek over there eaves dropping on our conversation!
Jerry: That there is no geek, that’s the man that is gonna save your old ass!
(Brooks Bollinger walks around the corner typing on his laptop!)
Brad: I am screwed!!!!

Labels: Brooks, Captain ass bag, jerry, Wade

Marion Barber vs. Brandon Jacobs
If you like power backs that punish defenders this is the game of the year for you to watch.
Marion Barber is known for his punishing stiff arms and powerful forearms. He truly has mastered the art of breaking tackles. His exciting style of running is complemented with his fiery attitude and big play potential.
Brandon Jacobs is one big Mo Fo. he actually looks like a linebacker, and really is bigger than most linebackers that have to tackle him. Don’t let his size fool you though, he does have pretty good speed for a fatass. It should be interesting on how the defense attacks him this week. Also, i heard his dad was a Jewbacca?
Advantage: Marion Barber. I can’t go against The Barbarian! In his last outing against the Giants he ran for 129 yards. Look for another big day from him.

Captain Ass Bag vs. Elisha
Captain Ass Bag is 40. This is his 17th season in the league, and it shows. Oh ya he won a Super Bowl before any of his teammates on the Cowboys were born, not really but you get the picture.
Elisha won the Super Bowl last year. He has recently stepped out from behind his older brothers shadow, but if anything dramatic happens he is likely to fall right back behind him. Elisha has a very good offense around him and he knows how to use his weapons.
Advantage: Elisha. Sorry folks, were just not very deep at the QB position. I am ready to jump on the Brooks Bollinger band wagon at any time! Well at least until Romo is back.
Wade “Double Meat Double Cheese” Phillips vs. Tom “I’m about to stroke out” Coughlin
First things first Wade Phillips Daughter is so much hotter than Coughlins.
want proof?

Advantage: Wade! You might be a soft coach but you can sure make a damn fine daughter!

Labels: Brandon Jacobs, Captain ass bag, Elisha, Marion Barber

When asked how he felt about Bollinger possibly splitting some first team reps in practice Captain Ass Bag cut off the interviewer and said…
“We haven’t even talked about any of that, I have been in here watching film, I don’t know where your headed with that”
Nice El Capitan! show them who is boss! I wish they would have asked you how you felt about your horrible display on Sunday with your 19 of 33 for a measly 122 yards. We might have seen a good ol’ fashioned Black Mountain, NC ASS whoopin!

Labels: Bollinger, Captain ass bag

Thinking back to this off season I remember gushing over how awesome this Cowboys secondary was going to be with the addition of Pac-Man. So when I awoke that dreadful morning to the news that Pac had once again done something stupid, I could not help but panic. Not to say that Pac was playing lights out or anything, but he gave this secondary an attitude.
Pac Man is a punk, and an idiot, one thing he is not however is soft. Soft is what this secondary has been since Woody retired! Terrence Newman is a shut down corner. He has an attitude but his attitude does not resonate throughout the unit. Anthony Henry is a big physical corner, but lets face it he needs to be a safety. Where would these corners get their attitude now? Or would they just drift back to the way it has been for years now?
So now here we sit missing not only Pac to suspension, but T-New to injury, and now Anthony Henry to injury. How on earth will this unit survive? This secondary will survive because of 3 specific people. Pac Man, T-New, and Dave Campo! Each one of these guys has been very instrumental in building up this group of young defensive backs. Their finger prints are all over each one of their games. Mike Jenkins is a fierce competitor with lots of attitude, what he did not have was confidence and fundamentals. The Mike Jenkins we saw on Sunday now has the tools to compete. Newman took Jenkins under his wing in training camp and taught this young guy to be confident in his decisions on the field and not to doubt himself or his abilities. Orlando Scandrick needed no help with confidence, he just needed to become more physical and to become fundamentally sound. On the football field Pac and Scandrick are a lot alike, they are both very confident players but what set Pac man apart from the rest was that he would not back down from a challenge. He even went looking for the greatest challenge. Pac taught him how to have an attitude, to be physical, and above all else never back down.

These guys are going to have bad plays, and even bad games, but they will continue to fight. Thanks to Dave Campo they now are fundamentally sound in technique. Thanks to Terrence Newman they are now more confident than ever. Thanks to Pac Man they now have an edge, and now thanks to themselves for putting in the extra work these no names soon will no longer be no names.

Labels: Campo, confidence, Jenkins, Pac-man, scandrick

Labels: Brooks, Captain ass bag, Wade

Well it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t even close to pretty. Actually I would call it a Jr High “B” team performance. BUT IT WAS A WIN! This game was won entirely by the defense. It was nice to see some true emotion and heart from these guys, they could have easily given up like last week but I think they realized that it’s a lot better when your winning. Looking up and down the sideline I saw guys pumping each other up and not just sitting on the bench drinking Gatorade. It was a nice surprise since I was worried on how the Boys would come out and play. Captain Ass Bag is still horrible, under throwing, over throwing, flat out not throwing the ball most of the game. I really hope Romo is back and healthy soon. By the way it was nice to see the offense getting Roy Williams involved! The G men are probably going to come into this game thinking they have it won, well BRING IT ON ELISHA!

Labels: Captain ass bag, Elisha

When you only get 172 yards from your offense, its plays like this that the Boys will have to depend on!

Labels: Campo, confidence, Wade